From Donna...

Well, here it is, the long awaited "bald shot'" I told y'all I looked cute bald!




Between my last treatment and now, my sister, Angela came to visit. I told her to come the week before chemo because that's when I feel my best. We had such a great time. You know that she is my baby sister. When she came along, I was grown up and getting ready to get married so I really didn't know her. We spent one day in our pjs just talking all day - what fun. It was a day of talk, FoodTV, catching up, and just being sisters. She and my dog, cocoa are now best friends. The time was so short with her. It seems like she just got here and she was gone. I really miss her and our time together was precious - it really gave me a chance to get to know her.

When we took her to the airport and we were waiting to go through baggage check, who was also standing in line but Laura Bennett off of Project Runway. Angela saw her and of course, you all know me, I walked up and introduced myself and then we proceeded to tell her what fans we are and how we had rooted for her during the competition. In case you are scratching your heads wondering what the heck I am talking about, Project Runway is a competition for clothing designers to become Top Designer and start their own label.

I have included a couple pictures for the blog from my sister's visit and a picture of me and my honey.










I had my fifth treatment yesterday and it went well. I snored through part of it. LOL Only one more to go, then I will take another step in the journey. Those decisions are yet to come. I know that I have said this before but I am so blessed to have been put into the hands of Dr. Hollady. He has made the correct decisions in my treatment and he is so supportive and compassionate. And, to top it off he has a great sense of humor. Thank you God for this wonderful man.

Needless to say I am looking forward to moving on after chemo and I am excited about what the future holds for me. I know that I will be forever involved in breast cancer awareness and that new opportunities await me.

Take Care and God Bless until next time.

I had a great visit with my friend, Susan today. She stayed about five hours and we laughed, cried, and talked about so many things. It was uplifting and I am so grateful that she is my friend.

I started going through some of my old stuff that I have written and came across this poem that I would like to share with you. I wrote it in 1987 after I went back home to Michigan. As I get closer to another step in the completion of my journey with breast cancer, I think that this poem is relative to my own rebirth, not only in spirit but in my own capacity as a human being, a woman and a survivor.

Enjoy!
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Rebirth

The end of my journey, my last night home,
Above the black of night shines ebony.
Sparkling jewels cling to the darkened dome
A restless spirit quiets within me.

A whisper washes against the white sand,
The touch of His presence brushes my face.
Soft curtains of color dance over land,
The spirit within me calls to this place.

How wide the expanse of the universe,
And, I am a moment a cosmic wink.
My search is certain, but the path diverse
My spirit in time will sustain the link.

As I walk forward and look straight ahead,
I know in my soul my spirit is fed.

Well, it's four down and two to go and I gotta tell you, it doesn't get any easier. In this last treatment the (ugly) red medicine was given to me in a more concentrated form and really made me feel weird. I got a headache, a hot flash, dizzy and nauseated, all in about 30 seconds - not fun. I have been very weak, tired and diarrhea everyday, all day (sorry).

Sometimes when I am awake late at night (like I am tonight) I know that I think thoughts that I should not. I do think about having cancer. There is so much more that I want to do; I am not ready to leave yet. Life is short and we should live each day to the fullest and like there is no tomorrow. Sorry, I don't mean to be morbid but I have days that are great and I have my not so good days. And, I don't mean to complain because I am alive and God is good. On the other side of these late night thoughts, I dream about eating my way through Italy when this is all over. I really think that I am obsessed with food - probably because it all tastes alike and I don't eat too much of it.

You know many of my friends have said that I am an inspiration but I'm not. I'm just one of the, one out of eight women who gets breast cancer, prays that the surgeon got it all, prays that chemo kills any stray cells, and prays to be a survivor. I am not special; I have many "sisters" in my journey.

Speaking of sisters, my sister, Angela is coming to see me next week and I am so excited. We will get to spend some quality time together. She is a Christian singer/songwriter. If anyone is an inspiration, it's Angela. She has lifted me up more than once during these recent times.

I really miss all my friends at work. You don't realize it but the people you work with become an extended family. We see our co-workers more than we see our own families. So, if anyone from work reads this, know that I do miss you all and look forward to getting back.

I know that I said that I would post a "bald" picture and I will. Be patient. Until next time, God bless.

I met with a Diabetes Educator today. Since I am a type II diabetic, have not been exactly eating right, and I am on steroids (which messes with my sugar), and because food is not my favorite subject right now, my oncologist thought that I could use a little help.

The good news is I really don't have to worry about what I eat right now as long as I eat. So I eat what I can tolerate. Being on chemo, I should be eating high protein and increasing my caloric intake but that does not always work especially when nothing sounds or tastes good.

I did find out that all those cooking shows that I have been watching on Food TV have paid off. I have learned a lot - thanks to Emeril, Rachel Ray, Giada and others. I have started to incorporate a healthier eating style when I do feel well enough to eat, which is usually the week before chemo. I am a real label reader, I use fresh herbs, tons of garlic and have added more fish to my diet. But, I gotta tell y'all, I love my pasta. So, I have switched to a high protein pasta which tastes really good. When this is all over and I can eat again, I will be ready. Or, I might go crazy and OD on chocolate!

Seriously, this is a life style change for me. Cancer was a wake up call. I know that I have to exercise (yuck) and eat right. My goal is to get off the diabetic medicine and control my diabetes with diet and exercise, and to live another 30 years or so. Before I can get breast reconstruction, my doctor wants me to lose 40 pounds. When I succeed, I will probably go off several of my medications that are weight driven. I can remember when I could eat anything, weigh 110 pounds and never worry about gaining - the good old days - before I hit 40. I know that I will never see 110 pounds again, except in my dreams, but that's OK. 140 sounds just right to me.

OK, since the last time I wrote, I had my third chemo treatment. My usual buddy, Jane, was not well so her husband, my dear friend went to chemo with me. Now John is not Jane but he is a great guy and like a brother to me - we fight all the time! He stayed with me and only left a few times to take phone calls.

My heart went out to a woman who was also going through chemo. Her right arm was so swollen and she was in such pain - all I could do was lower my head and pray for her. Of course, John, went over to her and talked to her trying to give her comfort - but that's John. He has so much compassion for his fellow man.

Well, for some reason the steroids kicked in and I did not sleep for about 48 hours. I was definitely weaker and more tired this time around. I was in bed from the Friday after my chemo until the following Thursday - I could not function; all I wanted to do was sleep. The bad part was, I did not eat that much because it was too much of an effort to fix myself anything. And, what I did eat went right through me. When I finally felt well enough to eat, I ate too much and made myself sick. I was very close to being anemic last time and I was told that I would be by my next treatment. Yippee, I can hardly wait. :(

Anyway, I am over all that and actually feeling better. Of course, it's a week before my next treatment so naturally I feel good.

I will try and get more pictures taken for the blog - even a bald one. Hey, on me bald is cute!

First, I apologize for the length of time between updates. I will try and do better in the future. I had my first chemo treatment on January 4th. I must say that I was apprehensive not knowing what to expect. Anyone who knows me, knows that I hate needles and the thought of having a needle the size of a spike (just kidding) stuck in my chest was causing me some anxious moments. Let me tell you, I would rather have a needle in the same place (port) than to have them searching for a vein every time. It really wasn't bad at all - a slight stick and I was all ready to go.



I have to tell you that Dr. Holladay, my oncologist, is such a sweetheart and has so much compassion. I feel like I am in the best hands with my treatments. And, that goes for the rest of his staff; what wonderful, caring people.



Anyway, they took me into this large room filled with recliners and a view of a pond with a fountain. There should be some pictures in my blog of my first treatment. Well, they got me all hooked up and started me with an antibiotic, anti-nausea, and a steroid. Then came the three chemo medicines. The infusion took about four hours and I don't know why, but I kept waiting for something to happen - what I don't know. I think my biggest fear was I would start projectile vomiting or something.



Actually, I felt pretty good after the treatment - too good. I started thinking that steroids are my friend. Now I know why athletes take them. I was superwoman for about 48 hours - could not sleep, and I think I could have dismantled my house and put it back together again. One thing steroids do is mess with your sugar and mine went sky high. When I came down, I came down hard - steroids are not my friend.

I went back the second day to get a shot to make my body produce marrow so my white blood cell count would not drop. Side effects can start anywhere from 10 hours to seven days after; mine started 7 days after with the most intense bone pain and lasted two days.

I did have some nausea - no vomiting (Thank You God), everything I ate went through me (I have lost 19 pounds), and heart burn is a constant. I have found that I cannot eat burritos (LOL) even though they were good going down, tomatoes and peanut butter give me serious heart burn. I dream about food and watch food TV - I know all the chef's and have most of their recipes because someday I will be able to eat again.

Twelve days after my first treatment I noticed hair in my comb and the thirteenth day I watched as hair came out in handfuls and went down the shower drain. So, on the fourteenth day I went to see my hairdresser and had her buzz me. Now I'm flat, bald and hungry all the time. But, I don't worry about bad hair days.



My second chemo treatment I expected the same pattern. Imagine my surprise when I wasn't superwoman. In fact, I asked the doctor if they forgot to give me the steroid. Apparently, once the chemo builds up in your system the steroid doesn't react the same.

One thing I have noticed is that I am more tired this time around. Half way through this last 21 day interval, I was sitting by myself late one night and I just wanted to be with my mom. Sometimes, only a mom can understand and make you feel better. I cried because I just wanted her to hold me and tell me it was OK.

Guess what? I got this cute wig and boobs! They (boobs) feel like the real thing and will do me until I have the breast reconstruction. Do you know how nice it is at the end of the day to take off your hair and your boobs?

Anyway, life goes on and I try to make the best of this and know in my heart that I will come through - but for the grace of God go I.

I think that anyone who has cancer, walks the journey a little differently. For myself, I try to stay positive, to see the humor in the whole situation and keep my faith in God. One last thing, you all have touched my heart as no one else could with your prayers, support, and just listening to me when I need to babble. Thank you and I love you all.

It's New Year's Eve, Jim is working, so it will be me and our dog, cocoa seeing in the New Year together. I just had my dinner - Lean Cuisine three cheese lasagna - Yum! How can something that sounds that good, taste so blah?

I feel like talking so I may just ramble for awhile. I had my port installed the Friday before Christmas. I guess I was weepy because it brings the cancer to reality (as if losing my breasts wasn't real). Anyway, I think I was more concerned with the port than I was the mastectomy - go figure. The outpatient surgery took about an hour and once they checked it to make sure it was in place, I was released to go home.

They call it a "life port" - I was thinking about that. Through the port I will get three medications on 21 day intervals that will destroy any cancer cells and give me back my life. Any blood work can be done through the port (no more looking for veins - Thank You God) which will keep track of white blood cells and who knows what else, which is a life saver.

I looked at myself in the mirror the other day and I look like a road map with a little bit of cleavage and I'm not completely flat. LOL I told Jim that I look like the Grinch. Think about it - he's flat on top and kind of goes out like a pear at the bottom - that's me. He said that he didn't love me for my boobs but for the person that I am. He's definitely a keeper.

It seems like everyone is concerned about my emotional well being, how I am dealing with a mastectomy and having cancer. As I told my friend, Hope, last night, when I found out that I had breast cancer, I did a lot of thinking. My first thought was if the doctor tells me I need a mastectomy, he's taking both because I don't want to do this again in two years. I wasn't being brave; I just don't think that I could do this again. As it turns out, it was the right decision. I feel that I accepted the fact that I have cancer. It is what it is, it's not going to be what I want it to be, and it's all in God's hands. Emotionally, I have my moments - like the night I could not sleep and laid there just thinking of all kinds of stupid stuff that I cannot do anything about and crying. The one thing that I will do is keep a positive attitude - with all the love, support and prayers from friends and family, how could I be anything but positive? I can only take one day at a time and put my faith and trust in the Lord.

I think I may have said this before but, the thing I hate most about having cancer is the feeling of complete helplessness that I have had since my surgery. I am not the type of person who likes to be taken care of, when I am sick, leave me alone and I will get better. Not so this time. I have been bathed, dressed, bandages changed, and sapped of my strength. The people closest to me have seen me "naked" and I don't mean that in the literal sense, although it is also true. As I have started to feel better in the past month, I try to do things and usually overdo so that weakness would take over and I would feel exhausted. I just want to feel like my old self, and I will - in time.

You know Mom's are supposed to be strong for their children; you hold them when they are hurt, kiss away their tears, and in general, you are super mom and nothing can harm you. I would never have thought that one of my children would have to take care of me and see me so helpless. Lisa, my lovely daughter, I love you more than I can say. Having you here with me this past month has been a blessing from God. I am so grateful and thankful that you have been here to nurse me, hold me when I cry, talk to me, and yes, even clean out all the closets and organize me, right down to the list of doctors, numbers, medications and other instructions that are taped to the inside of the cabinet door. When you left to go home yesterday, I felt like my heart left with you; I feel such an immense sadness now that you are gone. I know that we became closer while you were here and I missed you before you left. You know the commercials on TV with the list they run through of what things cost? I can tell you that a month with my daughter was priceless.

Misty and John, I love you both very much. John, I was so touched by what you did and you are still the wind beneath my wings. Misty, thank you for setting up this blog - I could have never done it myself and I know that you would have been here if you could.

Jane you are an angel. Having you with me the first night of my surgery gave me comfort and all the days since that time, you have been here to help me and support me. Words cannot begin to express my gratitude and love, my friend.

I did have a wonderful Christmas. I attended Christmas Eve service with Jim and Lisa, and it was so uplifting. I saw friends, talked with my pastor and celebrated the birth of Jesus and just being alive.

As I said in the beginning, this is New Year's Eve. The year ahead holds more steps in my journey with breast cancer, but the future is bright and promising. I'm going to be OK.

May you all have a Happy and Blessed New Year!

From Donna...

Merry Christmas everyone! Well, I have begun my journey, in fact I am two weeks into my journey. When I first found out that I had breast cancer, a lot of my time was spent going to doctor appointments, phone calls and a myriad of other "pink" things. I decided to keep a notebook so I could keep myself straight with phone numbers, appointments etc. What I find as I go through my notebook is that "life" has a way of creeping into whatever you do, no matter what you plan.

In my notebook I have doctors names, phone numbers, appointments, directions to get there from here, a list of my friends, family and others who pray for and support me. But, darn I also have a To Do list before surgery, a grocery list, a Christmas shopping list, a menu, window measurements, a summary of a phone conversation with my boss to go over projects, a partial Christmas card list (sorry to those that I did not get cards mailed to), oops another To Do list, an email for Tech Support for my mortgage service, a list of gifts from well wishers, and my Pink poem. I am surprised there's not a partridge in a pear tree.

But it shows life goes on and I continue to do as I do. And this is my most favorite time of the year. It seems like this time of the year there is so much love and good spirit in the air. And, you can forget Happy Holidays, for me it's Merry Christmas (no disrespect intended to anyone) but it is a Christian holiday and I am a Christian. He is the reason for the season and I love celebrating His birthday.

I am healing and yes, I am sore. Last week I went shopping and rode on one of those little motorized vehicles that you see in the stores. I got pretty good on it, zipping around the aisles, although I did pay for having my arms up for several hours. That's why they make heating pads.

I have been overwhelmed by the gifts, prayers, and support from everyone. Please continue praying for me as this was just the first step in my journey. Tomorrow I take the second step. I will have out-patient surgery in the morning to implant the port for chemo. My first treatment is January 4th. For some reason I was depressed and weepy today about going in tomorrow - I don't know why. I know that God will be there with me and bring me through just like He did two weeks ago.

I gotta tell you one of the benefits of this adventure is that my lovely daughter Lisa from Oregon took FMLA and is staying with me for a month to take care of me. While she is here she is organizing my act. She has gone through 4 closets (painful) and I finally let go of so much stuff. We had boxes and bags that we donated with just about everything you could imagine. She also rearranged my kitchen cabinets - can't find anything now. Thank God for this wonderful women. I love you Lisa.

Hopefully, I will talk to you all again soon. Bless You All.

Hi Everyone,

Well, I am feeling much better - had a couple of rough nights, mostly being uncomfortable from the four drain tubes sticking out of my body. I'll be glad when they are gone. I want to thank everyone for your prayers and support as I have started my journey with breast cancer.

I continue to grow stronger each day and I will be back to work before you know it. Did I just say that??? It's the drugs. LOL.

Take care.

Donna

Pink...

Toes
Dresses
Bows in pony tails

Pink...

Dolls
Birthday cake
Corsages for dances

Pink...

Cotton candy
Flowers
Gowns for weddings

Pink...

Booties
Teddy bears
Sunsets to enjoy

A pink ribbon becomes mine.
But, I also have red for love
From my Lord, my family, my friends.

~Donna

John sent me some pictures last night of some "before" stuff that was going on at the hospital. All her friends and family that were there for her surgery. Got a great bunch there!

Talked with mom

Just got off the phone with my mom who was feeling quite good in all her morphine glory. :) First thing she said to me was "well, Im flat as a board now." Leave it to mom to crack jokes. She sounded groggy but in good spirits. She is an amazing woman. I don't think I would handle this as well as she has.

Surgery is all finished

Talked to my dad this evening and he said everything with the mastectomy surgery went really well. Both sides are now done and mom is in recovery. He said the doctors said things went really well and they feel like they got got everything out.

I knew she would be ok!

Surgery Happening Right Now

Got an update that my mom is in surgery and doing well. Doctors have said they have one side completed of the mastectomy and are about to start on the other wise. Keep praying guys she is doing great!

A note from Donna...

Well, as you all know, I have breast cancer and tomorrow is the big day for my surgery. It has been a very emotional month for me; finding out I have breast cancer, then going through a bone scan and CAT scan and the uncertainty that comes with the big "C".

This is what I know for sure:

This is a journey and God will see me through it
I have a wonderful supportive husband who loves me unconditionally - even without boobs!
I have support and love from my family and friends who are all praying for me
The bone scan and CAT scan were clean - Thank You God
My perspective about life has definitely changed - for the better
I had the most awesome prayer time with my pastor today and I am at peace

So now I will take another step into my journey with breast cancer and tomorrow I will be "Flat As A Board" - I think Boobs are so over-rated anyway!

God Bless Y'all

My mom is one of the most incredible ladies I have ever known. Ok, so maybe I am a bit biased but who wouldn't be. She's my mom! She has been through so much in her life and has been a model to me for making it through anything even when life slaps you in the face. She has always been there for me, emotionally, physically and at times, financially. If ever anyone deserves happiness and health it is my mom. She has raised 3 children who are all their own unique person, but have the same heart. That comes from my mom.

A lot of my life, my mom was the one who took care of us and of course as children, we don't always express that appreciation but I hope she knows just how much I appreciate everything she did for me growing up. I know sometimes I was a handful, ok maybe two handfuls, but my mom and I, were always close. She always looked out for me and worried about me.

Now it is my turn to be worried for her and look out for her. A few weeks ago my mom called me and told me she was going to the doctor again after having a mamogram and seeing a mass. I have to be honest and admit, I didn't think it was a big deal. She had this happen before and after a biopsy it turned out to be nothing. I was thinking this would be the same case. But it wasn't. A few days later, she called to tell me she had breast cancer.

It's been a hard few past weeks after all of this came down on my family. There has been crying, guilt and even some arguments. And every day I worry about her. Every day, I wonder what would my life be like without her around. I can't imagine it. I need to be able to call my mom when my husband makes me mad or when the kids are driving me crazy. I need her there to complain that I am putting on a little weight and she's worried about my health. I need her there to nag me to quit smoking. I need her there to play go-between for me and my sister. I need her there to call my kids at Christmas time and play Mrs. Clause. NO. My mom isn't going anywhere. She will beat cancer. No she will kick it's ass!

That is why I started this blog. For my mom. So that I can share with you my own feelings about her and cancer and so that she can share with the world her triumphs. She will be sending me her own posts to this blog so please show your support by replying with comments.

Tomorrow my mom is having a double mastectomy, the first of many steps in her journey of survival. Please keep her in your prayers.