So, I was getting out of the shower this past Saturday, looked in the mirror and said, "What the hell is that?" Sorry for the cussing but it just came out when I saw a lump protruding from what is left of my chest. When your chest is a flat as mine, you just can't miss a bump, lump or whatever. I can tell you that it wasn't there last Friday. I just wanted to crawl in bed, pull the covers over my head and sleep for about 100 years.
Anyway, I talked to the Doctor today and she is going to go back and look at my CAT scan and have a pathologist look at it also. The bad thing is that radiation tends to make everything look suspicious so looking at my CAT scan may not help the doctor. At this point she cannot rule out cancer but she is leaning toward it NOT being cancer. There are several other possibilities. She thinks at this point they may just want to watch and monitor it or if it would give me a better comfort level, they could biopsy it. Now what do you think I am going to do? You can bet that I am going to get a biopsy, otherwise I know I will worry and I will think about it every time I feel the lump or look in a mirror.
Of course, you know with my chest being so flat, a bump may not be a bad thing. Every little bit helps! LOL
In my heart I know I am OK. God is with me and I know He won't give me more than I can handle and I know that He knows that I could not handle that right now.
The good news is that I only have two radiation treatments left. I am a little sore in the areas that have been treated and my skin is discolored and dry. The radiation has fatigued me. But, I am blessed. Everyday I'm alive is a good day.
I will update y'all when I know something for sure.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
I have now completed 10 radiation treatments, or two weeks worth, which leaves 23 more treatments. I feel good, except for a little tiredness. I will probably start to see more effects this week (slight burn to the skin). I am using a cream on my skin to keep it from drying and cracking.
I have had all kinds of pretty colors used to draw all over my chest - purple, green, blue - with Xs, lines, and stickers. The best part for my grandchildren is that they firmly believe that I have a treasure buried in my chest because "X" does mark the spot. My daughter tried to talk me into letting her take pictures of me during radiation. I told her nobody was going to get to see my road map. She did take some pics though which will be posted with this blog. My doctor, Dr. McDowell, is also in one of the pics.
Speaking of my grandchildren, they left last Thursday to go back to Chicago; but they will all move back here in August. My daughter found a studio in historic downtown Summerville and is already starting to grow her business.
Unfortunately, our photo sessions were rained out for the day that we had scheduled, but Misty is going to reschedule for August and still donate part of the proceeds to the Charleston Breast Center.
This week besides my five radiation appointments, I have three other doctor appointments. It's always something. I can actually see the hair on my head now. It's all fuzzy.
Take care y'all.
I have had all kinds of pretty colors used to draw all over my chest - purple, green, blue - with Xs, lines, and stickers. The best part for my grandchildren is that they firmly believe that I have a treasure buried in my chest because "X" does mark the spot. My daughter tried to talk me into letting her take pictures of me during radiation. I told her nobody was going to get to see my road map. She did take some pics though which will be posted with this blog. My doctor, Dr. McDowell, is also in one of the pics.
Speaking of my grandchildren, they left last Thursday to go back to Chicago; but they will all move back here in August. My daughter found a studio in historic downtown Summerville and is already starting to grow her business.
Unfortunately, our photo sessions were rained out for the day that we had scheduled, but Misty is going to reschedule for August and still donate part of the proceeds to the Charleston Breast Center.
This week besides my five radiation appointments, I have three other doctor appointments. It's always something. I can actually see the hair on my head now. It's all fuzzy.
Take care y'all.
Friday, June 08, 2007
From Donna:
It's about time for an update. As you all know, I finished chemo in April. Since that time I have had a lot of doctor appointments and preparation for radiation. I had a CT (May 18th) and everything looked good - praise God.
I also met with the doctor who will do my radiation. I will have 6 1/2 weeks of treatments - 5 days a week. The side effects are fatigue and a bad burn (like a sunburn). A permanent side effect is that the ribs on my right sight will be weakened, which means I could break a rib easier. Because of the area that is being treated, I had to have my life port removed, which I had done on June 1st. I was awake for the procedure but I was given something to take the edge off, so I didn't care.
I have had two more CTs since May to "mark" me for radiation treatments. It wasn't the most comfortable position for me. I had to lay with my arms above my head in brace-like devices for 30 - 45 minutes, with my head turned to the left, and I could not move. My chest looks like a road map, with purple and blue lines, x's and stickers.
I did go to the dentist and get a filling. After about the fourth time that I gagged, I told the dentist that it was pretty bad when I would rather get chemo than go to the dentist. He laughed and said, "Don't tell anyone that."
I have great news. My daughter, Misty, the one who keeps this blog up for me, and her family are moving to South Carolina. I am so excited! I will get to spend so much time with my three grandchildren. They will be here this weekend for two weeks vacation, go back to Chicago and move here in August.
While she is here, I asked her about taking a picture of me with a small group of women who have been with me through my journey with breast cancer and so she is going to do that picture, plus she is scheduling photo sessions at Sullivan's Island for anyone else who would like pictures, and part of the proceeds will be donated to the Charleston Breast Center. My only regret is that my daughter, Lisa cannot be here for the picture as she lives in Oregon.
So, I am ready to start the next step in my journey. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
I also met with the doctor who will do my radiation. I will have 6 1/2 weeks of treatments - 5 days a week. The side effects are fatigue and a bad burn (like a sunburn). A permanent side effect is that the ribs on my right sight will be weakened, which means I could break a rib easier. Because of the area that is being treated, I had to have my life port removed, which I had done on June 1st. I was awake for the procedure but I was given something to take the edge off, so I didn't care.
I have had two more CTs since May to "mark" me for radiation treatments. It wasn't the most comfortable position for me. I had to lay with my arms above my head in brace-like devices for 30 - 45 minutes, with my head turned to the left, and I could not move. My chest looks like a road map, with purple and blue lines, x's and stickers.
I did go to the dentist and get a filling. After about the fourth time that I gagged, I told the dentist that it was pretty bad when I would rather get chemo than go to the dentist. He laughed and said, "Don't tell anyone that."
I have great news. My daughter, Misty, the one who keeps this blog up for me, and her family are moving to South Carolina. I am so excited! I will get to spend so much time with my three grandchildren. They will be here this weekend for two weeks vacation, go back to Chicago and move here in August.
While she is here, I asked her about taking a picture of me with a small group of women who have been with me through my journey with breast cancer and so she is going to do that picture, plus she is scheduling photo sessions at Sullivan's Island for anyone else who would like pictures, and part of the proceeds will be donated to the Charleston Breast Center. My only regret is that my daughter, Lisa cannot be here for the picture as she lives in Oregon.
So, I am ready to start the next step in my journey. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
From Donna..
I graduated from chemo (literally) on April 19th. The nurses made me a graduation cap, they all signed it and then took my picture with them. My friend Debora brought me balloons and lunch, and of course, Jane was there. I am so glad that this part of the journey is over.
This month I will have a CT of my chest to make sure the cancer is gone, I will start radiation, and begin a cancer drug that I will be on for five years. The cancer drug has some side effects that do concern me but it's one day at a time and if this drug doesn't work, they have others to try on me. Anyway, my calendar is pretty much filled with appointments this month.
I did not have to have a shot the day after, which meant no steroids - yippee! I have been very tired but otherwise I feel pretty darn good.
I am going to start getting back into the swing of things by starting to work from home this month. Hopefully, I will get a release to go back to work in June.
My hair is starting to grow - it feels all fuzzy. I can't tell yet what color or texture it will be or if it will grow back thicker - that would definitely be OK by me.
I have gone to physical therapy for my right arm. I have had swelling and I am learning how to manage lymphedema. Things that I would normally do, like carrying a bag of groceries, or just doing chores around the house can cause my arm to swell. I don't like this but I have to accept it and learn to deal with it.
Well, that's all for now. God Bless.
This month I will have a CT of my chest to make sure the cancer is gone, I will start radiation, and begin a cancer drug that I will be on for five years. The cancer drug has some side effects that do concern me but it's one day at a time and if this drug doesn't work, they have others to try on me. Anyway, my calendar is pretty much filled with appointments this month.
I did not have to have a shot the day after, which meant no steroids - yippee! I have been very tired but otherwise I feel pretty darn good.
I am going to start getting back into the swing of things by starting to work from home this month. Hopefully, I will get a release to go back to work in June.
My hair is starting to grow - it feels all fuzzy. I can't tell yet what color or texture it will be or if it will grow back thicker - that would definitely be OK by me.
I have gone to physical therapy for my right arm. I have had swelling and I am learning how to manage lymphedema. Things that I would normally do, like carrying a bag of groceries, or just doing chores around the house can cause my arm to swell. I don't like this but I have to accept it and learn to deal with it.
Well, that's all for now. God Bless.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
From Donna on her last chemo treatment.
Before I had my mastectomy in December, my daughter, Misty set up this blogspot for me and asked me to write some thoughts; and for my first blog I wrote some things that I know for sure. So, with my last chemo treatment looming in the very near future, I thought I would tell you what I now know for sure.
- Even though I know I said I could not do this anymore, I will have my last treatment - sometimes emotions just get the better of me.
- I know that I am not superwoman and no matter what I thought about how things were going to be in my life or how I thought I could control what was happening to me, I was wrong. It is what it is and it's definitely out of my hands.
- In the name of Jesus, I am healed. Thank you Anita for reminding me.
- There has been a small group of women: Misty, Lisa, Jane, Susan, Hope, Anita and Debora who have been there with me from the beginning of my journey. I am so blessed to have them all in my life and I thank God for them.
- As I complete this step in my journey with breast cancer, I know that by the grace of God go I and He will guide me and walk with me through the next step.
- I know what is important. I once told my boss that people on their death beds don't say that they wish they had spent more time at work. You have one family and it could all be gone in a moment - don't lose sight of what is important and always say I love you.
- I do know that I will have to get radiation treatments but I will cross that bridge in about a month. At least I will be off the steroids. So if I babble, I have no excuse.
- Writing this blog has been good for me and I plan to continue until.....
Donna
- Even though I know I said I could not do this anymore, I will have my last treatment - sometimes emotions just get the better of me.
- I know that I am not superwoman and no matter what I thought about how things were going to be in my life or how I thought I could control what was happening to me, I was wrong. It is what it is and it's definitely out of my hands.
- In the name of Jesus, I am healed. Thank you Anita for reminding me.
- There has been a small group of women: Misty, Lisa, Jane, Susan, Hope, Anita and Debora who have been there with me from the beginning of my journey. I am so blessed to have them all in my life and I thank God for them.
- As I complete this step in my journey with breast cancer, I know that by the grace of God go I and He will guide me and walk with me through the next step.
- I know what is important. I once told my boss that people on their death beds don't say that they wish they had spent more time at work. You have one family and it could all be gone in a moment - don't lose sight of what is important and always say I love you.
- I do know that I will have to get radiation treatments but I will cross that bridge in about a month. At least I will be off the steroids. So if I babble, I have no excuse.
- Writing this blog has been good for me and I plan to continue until.....
Donna
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Another note from Donna
I am finally starting to feel human again - of course, it's a week before chemo! Anyway, my husband has a new tattoo and I wanted to share a picture of it with you. The ribbon has my initials on it - wasn't that sweet?
Also, my daughter, Lisa sent me flowers this week and I told her that I would put a picture of them on my blog so that she could see what they look like. What a nice surprise.
I will update everyone just before I go in for my final treatment. Take Care.
Also, my daughter, Lisa sent me flowers this week and I told her that I would put a picture of them on my blog so that she could see what they look like. What a nice surprise.
I will update everyone just before I go in for my final treatment. Take Care.
Friday, April 06, 2007
From Donna...
Just a quick update to let you all know what I did last night. So, I was looking for something to do and found a few things to occupy my time. I made a sandwich for Jim's lunch, washed a few dishes, got back online and printed out several recipes from FoodTV - love those chefs, made some organic popcorn (YUCK), and watched a Steve Martin movie. Jim got up at 4:00 A.M. and asked me if I had made it to bed at all. So, I decided to go to bed. I was still awake at 5:00 A.M. but fell in and out of sleep somewhere during 5 and 6 and slept like that until about 9:30 A.M. So, I have been in my pjs all day doing other stuff and napping (or trying to) from time to time.
Have a Blessed Easter.
Donna
Have a Blessed Easter.
Donna
Another note from Donna
It's been suggested that I provide more information in my blog regarding my experiences with chemo. It's not that I haven't been honest but I probably do hold back on some things - was saving it for the book! ;)
And, since I am starting to feel better from my last go-around, this is your lucky day. All you inquiring minds who really want to know the truth - here goes. But, let me tell ya', you are all sick!
-Ok, I hate chemo even though I get a snoopy or bugs bunny band aid on my port after treatment. After the last treatment I sat in my living room, knowing full well that I have one more treatment, telling my husband, "I can't do this anymore." It's not pleasant, I do not look forward to diarrhea, weakness, killer heartburn, the incredible painful sensitiveness all over my body, especially in the area of my mastectomy scars, the feeling of uselessness during the "after effects" time, etc. etc. etc. The good news is no projectile vomiting (other than words) and no constipation - Yippee.
-And, yes I do think about dying. I can't help it, it is what it is.
-Then just when I start feeling better (about six days later), I start three days of steroids, which I also hate. Steroids are NOT my friend. How do athletes take those things? Maybe if they were building muscle or toning my arms - nah, I still wouldn't like them. I know that they help with the bone pain but they also increase my sugar level (Type II Diabetic), keep me awake (sleeping pills don't help), and they make me a babbling idiot for 3 - 5 days; like right now as I am on my second day. Picture a "flat, bald, crazy woman projectile vomiting about 50,000 words per minute. Here's an example. One Friday night Jim got home from work and I never shut up from the time he hit the front door until I got a little upset because I was not getting the response that I expected (this is about two hours later). He finally told me that he was just tired and it was just too much information coming at him at one time. Go figure!
-The good news is that I have not become anemic. I continue to hold my own thanks to Neulasta shots and incorporating more fish and other protein into my diet. Speaking of diet; I have hovered between a 15 - 20 pound weight loss - I lose weight right after chemo and gain back some weight the week before chemo because I feel so good. And, yes I do have a slight metallic taste in my mouth after treatment but it seems to lessen during my three week intervals.
-But, let's talk about the sores in my mouth - another side effect. My mouth bleeds from the sores in the back of my mouth and my teeth hurt. I wake up some mornings with the taste of blood and spitting blood. I who dislike the dentist almost as much as chemo am actually looking forward to seeing the dentist when this is over.
-I have had some swelling in my right arm. It was my fault. I know that I have to be careful because I am at risk for lymphedema. I decided to throw a ball for my dog and after throwing it several times I felt a pulling in my arm. The swelling was not major but it was uncomfortable. My doctor says that I have to be patient and that it's not yet time to strengthen my arms but, to keep doing my range of motion exercises.
-Prescriptions - I have an 8 X 10 sheet of paper listing all the medications that I take. I cannot wait until I am done with my last treatment so I can gather them all up and do whatever. Some of the side effects from these drugs are very bothersome. Enough said about that!
-I think what frustrates me the most is that the spirit is willing but the flesh ain't able. I have laid in bed or on the couch knowing that I should pay the bills, check emails, or just make a sandwich and I just can't do it because my body is weak and I just don't care. I have always been able to take care of myself and for once I have encountered something that I have no control over and I have to depend on others for my care, yes, even my survival - from the doctors, to my family, to my friends, and yes, even strangers. I am humbled by the compassion, love, support and prayers that I have received from everyone.
-Well, I am rambling (gotta love those steroids - NOT) although it is 1:00 A.M. in the morning. I hope that you have experienced a little more of my journey. I do not intentionally hold back - I am the type of person who just "deals with it" and goes on and I don't always commit everything to print. Nothing Like Spilling Your Guts! :)
I'm finished for now but I'm still wide awake. Have to find something to do - but what? I'll let you know later what I did. See ya!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
From Donna...
Well, here it is, the long awaited "bald shot'" I told y'all I looked cute bald!
Between my last treatment and now, my sister, Angela came to visit. I told her to come the week before chemo because that's when I feel my best. We had such a great time. You know that she is my baby sister. When she came along, I was grown up and getting ready to get married so I really didn't know her. We spent one day in our pjs just talking all day - what fun. It was a day of talk, FoodTV, catching up, and just being sisters. She and my dog, cocoa are now best friends. The time was so short with her. It seems like she just got here and she was gone. I really miss her and our time together was precious - it really gave me a chance to get to know her.
When we took her to the airport and we were waiting to go through baggage check, who was also standing in line but Laura Bennett off of Project Runway. Angela saw her and of course, you all know me, I walked up and introduced myself and then we proceeded to tell her what fans we are and how we had rooted for her during the competition. In case you are scratching your heads wondering what the heck I am talking about, Project Runway is a competition for clothing designers to become Top Designer and start their own label.
I have included a couple pictures for the blog from my sister's visit and a picture of me and my honey.
I had my fifth treatment yesterday and it went well. I snored through part of it. LOL Only one more to go, then I will take another step in the journey. Those decisions are yet to come. I know that I have said this before but I am so blessed to have been put into the hands of Dr. Hollady. He has made the correct decisions in my treatment and he is so supportive and compassionate. And, to top it off he has a great sense of humor. Thank you God for this wonderful man.
Needless to say I am looking forward to moving on after chemo and I am excited about what the future holds for me. I know that I will be forever involved in breast cancer awareness and that new opportunities await me.
Take Care and God Bless until next time.
Between my last treatment and now, my sister, Angela came to visit. I told her to come the week before chemo because that's when I feel my best. We had such a great time. You know that she is my baby sister. When she came along, I was grown up and getting ready to get married so I really didn't know her. We spent one day in our pjs just talking all day - what fun. It was a day of talk, FoodTV, catching up, and just being sisters. She and my dog, cocoa are now best friends. The time was so short with her. It seems like she just got here and she was gone. I really miss her and our time together was precious - it really gave me a chance to get to know her.
When we took her to the airport and we were waiting to go through baggage check, who was also standing in line but Laura Bennett off of Project Runway. Angela saw her and of course, you all know me, I walked up and introduced myself and then we proceeded to tell her what fans we are and how we had rooted for her during the competition. In case you are scratching your heads wondering what the heck I am talking about, Project Runway is a competition for clothing designers to become Top Designer and start their own label.
I have included a couple pictures for the blog from my sister's visit and a picture of me and my honey.
I had my fifth treatment yesterday and it went well. I snored through part of it. LOL Only one more to go, then I will take another step in the journey. Those decisions are yet to come. I know that I have said this before but I am so blessed to have been put into the hands of Dr. Hollady. He has made the correct decisions in my treatment and he is so supportive and compassionate. And, to top it off he has a great sense of humor. Thank you God for this wonderful man.
Needless to say I am looking forward to moving on after chemo and I am excited about what the future holds for me. I know that I will be forever involved in breast cancer awareness and that new opportunities await me.
Take Care and God Bless until next time.
Friday, March 16, 2007
I had a great visit with my friend, Susan today. She stayed about five hours and we laughed, cried, and talked about so many things. It was uplifting and I am so grateful that she is my friend.
I started going through some of my old stuff that I have written and came across this poem that I would like to share with you. I wrote it in 1987 after I went back home to Michigan. As I get closer to another step in the completion of my journey with breast cancer, I think that this poem is relative to my own rebirth, not only in spirit but in my own capacity as a human being, a woman and a survivor.
Enjoy!
.
.
.
Rebirth
The end of my journey, my last night home,
Above the black of night shines ebony.
Sparkling jewels cling to the darkened dome
A restless spirit quiets within me.
A whisper washes against the white sand,
The touch of His presence brushes my face.
Soft curtains of color dance over land,
The spirit within me calls to this place.
How wide the expanse of the universe,
And, I am a moment a cosmic wink.
My search is certain, but the path diverse
My spirit in time will sustain the link.
As I walk forward and look straight ahead,
I know in my soul my spirit is fed.
I started going through some of my old stuff that I have written and came across this poem that I would like to share with you. I wrote it in 1987 after I went back home to Michigan. As I get closer to another step in the completion of my journey with breast cancer, I think that this poem is relative to my own rebirth, not only in spirit but in my own capacity as a human being, a woman and a survivor.
Enjoy!
.
.
.
Rebirth
The end of my journey, my last night home,
Above the black of night shines ebony.
Sparkling jewels cling to the darkened dome
A restless spirit quiets within me.
A whisper washes against the white sand,
The touch of His presence brushes my face.
Soft curtains of color dance over land,
The spirit within me calls to this place.
How wide the expanse of the universe,
And, I am a moment a cosmic wink.
My search is certain, but the path diverse
My spirit in time will sustain the link.
As I walk forward and look straight ahead,
I know in my soul my spirit is fed.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Well, it's four down and two to go and I gotta tell you, it doesn't get any easier. In this last treatment the (ugly) red medicine was given to me in a more concentrated form and really made me feel weird. I got a headache, a hot flash, dizzy and nauseated, all in about 30 seconds - not fun. I have been very weak, tired and diarrhea everyday, all day (sorry).
Sometimes when I am awake late at night (like I am tonight) I know that I think thoughts that I should not. I do think about having cancer. There is so much more that I want to do; I am not ready to leave yet. Life is short and we should live each day to the fullest and like there is no tomorrow. Sorry, I don't mean to be morbid but I have days that are great and I have my not so good days. And, I don't mean to complain because I am alive and God is good. On the other side of these late night thoughts, I dream about eating my way through Italy when this is all over. I really think that I am obsessed with food - probably because it all tastes alike and I don't eat too much of it.
You know many of my friends have said that I am an inspiration but I'm not. I'm just one of the, one out of eight women who gets breast cancer, prays that the surgeon got it all, prays that chemo kills any stray cells, and prays to be a survivor. I am not special; I have many "sisters" in my journey.
Speaking of sisters, my sister, Angela is coming to see me next week and I am so excited. We will get to spend some quality time together. She is a Christian singer/songwriter. If anyone is an inspiration, it's Angela. She has lifted me up more than once during these recent times.
I really miss all my friends at work. You don't realize it but the people you work with become an extended family. We see our co-workers more than we see our own families. So, if anyone from work reads this, know that I do miss you all and look forward to getting back.
I know that I said that I would post a "bald" picture and I will. Be patient. Until next time, God bless.
Sometimes when I am awake late at night (like I am tonight) I know that I think thoughts that I should not. I do think about having cancer. There is so much more that I want to do; I am not ready to leave yet. Life is short and we should live each day to the fullest and like there is no tomorrow. Sorry, I don't mean to be morbid but I have days that are great and I have my not so good days. And, I don't mean to complain because I am alive and God is good. On the other side of these late night thoughts, I dream about eating my way through Italy when this is all over. I really think that I am obsessed with food - probably because it all tastes alike and I don't eat too much of it.
You know many of my friends have said that I am an inspiration but I'm not. I'm just one of the, one out of eight women who gets breast cancer, prays that the surgeon got it all, prays that chemo kills any stray cells, and prays to be a survivor. I am not special; I have many "sisters" in my journey.
Speaking of sisters, my sister, Angela is coming to see me next week and I am so excited. We will get to spend some quality time together. She is a Christian singer/songwriter. If anyone is an inspiration, it's Angela. She has lifted me up more than once during these recent times.
I really miss all my friends at work. You don't realize it but the people you work with become an extended family. We see our co-workers more than we see our own families. So, if anyone from work reads this, know that I do miss you all and look forward to getting back.
I know that I said that I would post a "bald" picture and I will. Be patient. Until next time, God bless.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
I met with a Diabetes Educator today. Since I am a type II diabetic, have not been exactly eating right, and I am on steroids (which messes with my sugar), and because food is not my favorite subject right now, my oncologist thought that I could use a little help.
The good news is I really don't have to worry about what I eat right now as long as I eat. So I eat what I can tolerate. Being on chemo, I should be eating high protein and increasing my caloric intake but that does not always work especially when nothing sounds or tastes good.
I did find out that all those cooking shows that I have been watching on Food TV have paid off. I have learned a lot - thanks to Emeril, Rachel Ray, Giada and others. I have started to incorporate a healthier eating style when I do feel well enough to eat, which is usually the week before chemo. I am a real label reader, I use fresh herbs, tons of garlic and have added more fish to my diet. But, I gotta tell y'all, I love my pasta. So, I have switched to a high protein pasta which tastes really good. When this is all over and I can eat again, I will be ready. Or, I might go crazy and OD on chocolate!
Seriously, this is a life style change for me. Cancer was a wake up call. I know that I have to exercise (yuck) and eat right. My goal is to get off the diabetic medicine and control my diabetes with diet and exercise, and to live another 30 years or so. Before I can get breast reconstruction, my doctor wants me to lose 40 pounds. When I succeed, I will probably go off several of my medications that are weight driven. I can remember when I could eat anything, weigh 110 pounds and never worry about gaining - the good old days - before I hit 40. I know that I will never see 110 pounds again, except in my dreams, but that's OK. 140 sounds just right to me.
The good news is I really don't have to worry about what I eat right now as long as I eat. So I eat what I can tolerate. Being on chemo, I should be eating high protein and increasing my caloric intake but that does not always work especially when nothing sounds or tastes good.
I did find out that all those cooking shows that I have been watching on Food TV have paid off. I have learned a lot - thanks to Emeril, Rachel Ray, Giada and others. I have started to incorporate a healthier eating style when I do feel well enough to eat, which is usually the week before chemo. I am a real label reader, I use fresh herbs, tons of garlic and have added more fish to my diet. But, I gotta tell y'all, I love my pasta. So, I have switched to a high protein pasta which tastes really good. When this is all over and I can eat again, I will be ready. Or, I might go crazy and OD on chocolate!
Seriously, this is a life style change for me. Cancer was a wake up call. I know that I have to exercise (yuck) and eat right. My goal is to get off the diabetic medicine and control my diabetes with diet and exercise, and to live another 30 years or so. Before I can get breast reconstruction, my doctor wants me to lose 40 pounds. When I succeed, I will probably go off several of my medications that are weight driven. I can remember when I could eat anything, weigh 110 pounds and never worry about gaining - the good old days - before I hit 40. I know that I will never see 110 pounds again, except in my dreams, but that's OK. 140 sounds just right to me.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
OK, since the last time I wrote, I had my third chemo treatment. My usual buddy, Jane, was not well so her husband, my dear friend went to chemo with me. Now John is not Jane but he is a great guy and like a brother to me - we fight all the time! He stayed with me and only left a few times to take phone calls.
My heart went out to a woman who was also going through chemo. Her right arm was so swollen and she was in such pain - all I could do was lower my head and pray for her. Of course, John, went over to her and talked to her trying to give her comfort - but that's John. He has so much compassion for his fellow man.
Well, for some reason the steroids kicked in and I did not sleep for about 48 hours. I was definitely weaker and more tired this time around. I was in bed from the Friday after my chemo until the following Thursday - I could not function; all I wanted to do was sleep. The bad part was, I did not eat that much because it was too much of an effort to fix myself anything. And, what I did eat went right through me. When I finally felt well enough to eat, I ate too much and made myself sick. I was very close to being anemic last time and I was told that I would be by my next treatment. Yippee, I can hardly wait. :(
Anyway, I am over all that and actually feeling better. Of course, it's a week before my next treatment so naturally I feel good.
I will try and get more pictures taken for the blog - even a bald one. Hey, on me bald is cute!
My heart went out to a woman who was also going through chemo. Her right arm was so swollen and she was in such pain - all I could do was lower my head and pray for her. Of course, John, went over to her and talked to her trying to give her comfort - but that's John. He has so much compassion for his fellow man.
Well, for some reason the steroids kicked in and I did not sleep for about 48 hours. I was definitely weaker and more tired this time around. I was in bed from the Friday after my chemo until the following Thursday - I could not function; all I wanted to do was sleep. The bad part was, I did not eat that much because it was too much of an effort to fix myself anything. And, what I did eat went right through me. When I finally felt well enough to eat, I ate too much and made myself sick. I was very close to being anemic last time and I was told that I would be by my next treatment. Yippee, I can hardly wait. :(
Anyway, I am over all that and actually feeling better. Of course, it's a week before my next treatment so naturally I feel good.
I will try and get more pictures taken for the blog - even a bald one. Hey, on me bald is cute!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
First, I apologize for the length of time between updates. I will try and do better in the future. I had my first chemo treatment on January 4th. I must say that I was apprehensive not knowing what to expect. Anyone who knows me, knows that I hate needles and the thought of having a needle the size of a spike (just kidding) stuck in my chest was causing me some anxious moments. Let me tell you, I would rather have a needle in the same place (port) than to have them searching for a vein every time. It really wasn't bad at all - a slight stick and I was all ready to go.
I have to tell you that Dr. Holladay, my oncologist, is such a sweetheart and has so much compassion. I feel like I am in the best hands with my treatments. And, that goes for the rest of his staff; what wonderful, caring people.
Anyway, they took me into this large room filled with recliners and a view of a pond with a fountain. There should be some pictures in my blog of my first treatment. Well, they got me all hooked up and started me with an antibiotic, anti-nausea, and a steroid. Then came the three chemo medicines. The infusion took about four hours and I don't know why, but I kept waiting for something to happen - what I don't know. I think my biggest fear was I would start projectile vomiting or something.
Actually, I felt pretty good after the treatment - too good. I started thinking that steroids are my friend. Now I know why athletes take them. I was superwoman for about 48 hours - could not sleep, and I think I could have dismantled my house and put it back together again. One thing steroids do is mess with your sugar and mine went sky high. When I came down, I came down hard - steroids are not my friend.
I went back the second day to get a shot to make my body produce marrow so my white blood cell count would not drop. Side effects can start anywhere from 10 hours to seven days after; mine started 7 days after with the most intense bone pain and lasted two days.
I did have some nausea - no vomiting (Thank You God), everything I ate went through me (I have lost 19 pounds), and heart burn is a constant. I have found that I cannot eat burritos (LOL) even though they were good going down, tomatoes and peanut butter give me serious heart burn. I dream about food and watch food TV - I know all the chef's and have most of their recipes because someday I will be able to eat again.
Twelve days after my first treatment I noticed hair in my comb and the thirteenth day I watched as hair came out in handfuls and went down the shower drain. So, on the fourteenth day I went to see my hairdresser and had her buzz me. Now I'm flat, bald and hungry all the time. But, I don't worry about bad hair days.
My second chemo treatment I expected the same pattern. Imagine my surprise when I wasn't superwoman. In fact, I asked the doctor if they forgot to give me the steroid. Apparently, once the chemo builds up in your system the steroid doesn't react the same.
One thing I have noticed is that I am more tired this time around. Half way through this last 21 day interval, I was sitting by myself late one night and I just wanted to be with my mom. Sometimes, only a mom can understand and make you feel better. I cried because I just wanted her to hold me and tell me it was OK.
Guess what? I got this cute wig and boobs! They (boobs) feel like the real thing and will do me until I have the breast reconstruction. Do you know how nice it is at the end of the day to take off your hair and your boobs?
Anyway, life goes on and I try to make the best of this and know in my heart that I will come through - but for the grace of God go I.
I think that anyone who has cancer, walks the journey a little differently. For myself, I try to stay positive, to see the humor in the whole situation and keep my faith in God. One last thing, you all have touched my heart as no one else could with your prayers, support, and just listening to me when I need to babble. Thank you and I love you all.
I have to tell you that Dr. Holladay, my oncologist, is such a sweetheart and has so much compassion. I feel like I am in the best hands with my treatments. And, that goes for the rest of his staff; what wonderful, caring people.
Anyway, they took me into this large room filled with recliners and a view of a pond with a fountain. There should be some pictures in my blog of my first treatment. Well, they got me all hooked up and started me with an antibiotic, anti-nausea, and a steroid. Then came the three chemo medicines. The infusion took about four hours and I don't know why, but I kept waiting for something to happen - what I don't know. I think my biggest fear was I would start projectile vomiting or something.
Actually, I felt pretty good after the treatment - too good. I started thinking that steroids are my friend. Now I know why athletes take them. I was superwoman for about 48 hours - could not sleep, and I think I could have dismantled my house and put it back together again. One thing steroids do is mess with your sugar and mine went sky high. When I came down, I came down hard - steroids are not my friend.
I went back the second day to get a shot to make my body produce marrow so my white blood cell count would not drop. Side effects can start anywhere from 10 hours to seven days after; mine started 7 days after with the most intense bone pain and lasted two days.
I did have some nausea - no vomiting (Thank You God), everything I ate went through me (I have lost 19 pounds), and heart burn is a constant. I have found that I cannot eat burritos (LOL) even though they were good going down, tomatoes and peanut butter give me serious heart burn. I dream about food and watch food TV - I know all the chef's and have most of their recipes because someday I will be able to eat again.
Twelve days after my first treatment I noticed hair in my comb and the thirteenth day I watched as hair came out in handfuls and went down the shower drain. So, on the fourteenth day I went to see my hairdresser and had her buzz me. Now I'm flat, bald and hungry all the time. But, I don't worry about bad hair days.
My second chemo treatment I expected the same pattern. Imagine my surprise when I wasn't superwoman. In fact, I asked the doctor if they forgot to give me the steroid. Apparently, once the chemo builds up in your system the steroid doesn't react the same.
One thing I have noticed is that I am more tired this time around. Half way through this last 21 day interval, I was sitting by myself late one night and I just wanted to be with my mom. Sometimes, only a mom can understand and make you feel better. I cried because I just wanted her to hold me and tell me it was OK.
Guess what? I got this cute wig and boobs! They (boobs) feel like the real thing and will do me until I have the breast reconstruction. Do you know how nice it is at the end of the day to take off your hair and your boobs?
Anyway, life goes on and I try to make the best of this and know in my heart that I will come through - but for the grace of God go I.
I think that anyone who has cancer, walks the journey a little differently. For myself, I try to stay positive, to see the humor in the whole situation and keep my faith in God. One last thing, you all have touched my heart as no one else could with your prayers, support, and just listening to me when I need to babble. Thank you and I love you all.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
It's New Year's Eve, Jim is working, so it will be me and our dog, cocoa seeing in the New Year together. I just had my dinner - Lean Cuisine three cheese lasagna - Yum! How can something that sounds that good, taste so blah?
I feel like talking so I may just ramble for awhile. I had my port installed the Friday before Christmas. I guess I was weepy because it brings the cancer to reality (as if losing my breasts wasn't real). Anyway, I think I was more concerned with the port than I was the mastectomy - go figure. The outpatient surgery took about an hour and once they checked it to make sure it was in place, I was released to go home.
They call it a "life port" - I was thinking about that. Through the port I will get three medications on 21 day intervals that will destroy any cancer cells and give me back my life. Any blood work can be done through the port (no more looking for veins - Thank You God) which will keep track of white blood cells and who knows what else, which is a life saver.
I looked at myself in the mirror the other day and I look like a road map with a little bit of cleavage and I'm not completely flat. LOL I told Jim that I look like the Grinch. Think about it - he's flat on top and kind of goes out like a pear at the bottom - that's me. He said that he didn't love me for my boobs but for the person that I am. He's definitely a keeper.
It seems like everyone is concerned about my emotional well being, how I am dealing with a mastectomy and having cancer. As I told my friend, Hope, last night, when I found out that I had breast cancer, I did a lot of thinking. My first thought was if the doctor tells me I need a mastectomy, he's taking both because I don't want to do this again in two years. I wasn't being brave; I just don't think that I could do this again. As it turns out, it was the right decision. I feel that I accepted the fact that I have cancer. It is what it is, it's not going to be what I want it to be, and it's all in God's hands. Emotionally, I have my moments - like the night I could not sleep and laid there just thinking of all kinds of stupid stuff that I cannot do anything about and crying. The one thing that I will do is keep a positive attitude - with all the love, support and prayers from friends and family, how could I be anything but positive? I can only take one day at a time and put my faith and trust in the Lord.
I think I may have said this before but, the thing I hate most about having cancer is the feeling of complete helplessness that I have had since my surgery. I am not the type of person who likes to be taken care of, when I am sick, leave me alone and I will get better. Not so this time. I have been bathed, dressed, bandages changed, and sapped of my strength. The people closest to me have seen me "naked" and I don't mean that in the literal sense, although it is also true. As I have started to feel better in the past month, I try to do things and usually overdo so that weakness would take over and I would feel exhausted. I just want to feel like my old self, and I will - in time.
You know Mom's are supposed to be strong for their children; you hold them when they are hurt, kiss away their tears, and in general, you are super mom and nothing can harm you. I would never have thought that one of my children would have to take care of me and see me so helpless. Lisa, my lovely daughter, I love you more than I can say. Having you here with me this past month has been a blessing from God. I am so grateful and thankful that you have been here to nurse me, hold me when I cry, talk to me, and yes, even clean out all the closets and organize me, right down to the list of doctors, numbers, medications and other instructions that are taped to the inside of the cabinet door. When you left to go home yesterday, I felt like my heart left with you; I feel such an immense sadness now that you are gone. I know that we became closer while you were here and I missed you before you left. You know the commercials on TV with the list they run through of what things cost? I can tell you that a month with my daughter was priceless.
Misty and John, I love you both very much. John, I was so touched by what you did and you are still the wind beneath my wings. Misty, thank you for setting up this blog - I could have never done it myself and I know that you would have been here if you could.
Jane you are an angel. Having you with me the first night of my surgery gave me comfort and all the days since that time, you have been here to help me and support me. Words cannot begin to express my gratitude and love, my friend.
I did have a wonderful Christmas. I attended Christmas Eve service with Jim and Lisa, and it was so uplifting. I saw friends, talked with my pastor and celebrated the birth of Jesus and just being alive.
As I said in the beginning, this is New Year's Eve. The year ahead holds more steps in my journey with breast cancer, but the future is bright and promising. I'm going to be OK.
May you all have a Happy and Blessed New Year!
I feel like talking so I may just ramble for awhile. I had my port installed the Friday before Christmas. I guess I was weepy because it brings the cancer to reality (as if losing my breasts wasn't real). Anyway, I think I was more concerned with the port than I was the mastectomy - go figure. The outpatient surgery took about an hour and once they checked it to make sure it was in place, I was released to go home.
They call it a "life port" - I was thinking about that. Through the port I will get three medications on 21 day intervals that will destroy any cancer cells and give me back my life. Any blood work can be done through the port (no more looking for veins - Thank You God) which will keep track of white blood cells and who knows what else, which is a life saver.
I looked at myself in the mirror the other day and I look like a road map with a little bit of cleavage and I'm not completely flat. LOL I told Jim that I look like the Grinch. Think about it - he's flat on top and kind of goes out like a pear at the bottom - that's me. He said that he didn't love me for my boobs but for the person that I am. He's definitely a keeper.
It seems like everyone is concerned about my emotional well being, how I am dealing with a mastectomy and having cancer. As I told my friend, Hope, last night, when I found out that I had breast cancer, I did a lot of thinking. My first thought was if the doctor tells me I need a mastectomy, he's taking both because I don't want to do this again in two years. I wasn't being brave; I just don't think that I could do this again. As it turns out, it was the right decision. I feel that I accepted the fact that I have cancer. It is what it is, it's not going to be what I want it to be, and it's all in God's hands. Emotionally, I have my moments - like the night I could not sleep and laid there just thinking of all kinds of stupid stuff that I cannot do anything about and crying. The one thing that I will do is keep a positive attitude - with all the love, support and prayers from friends and family, how could I be anything but positive? I can only take one day at a time and put my faith and trust in the Lord.
I think I may have said this before but, the thing I hate most about having cancer is the feeling of complete helplessness that I have had since my surgery. I am not the type of person who likes to be taken care of, when I am sick, leave me alone and I will get better. Not so this time. I have been bathed, dressed, bandages changed, and sapped of my strength. The people closest to me have seen me "naked" and I don't mean that in the literal sense, although it is also true. As I have started to feel better in the past month, I try to do things and usually overdo so that weakness would take over and I would feel exhausted. I just want to feel like my old self, and I will - in time.
You know Mom's are supposed to be strong for their children; you hold them when they are hurt, kiss away their tears, and in general, you are super mom and nothing can harm you. I would never have thought that one of my children would have to take care of me and see me so helpless. Lisa, my lovely daughter, I love you more than I can say. Having you here with me this past month has been a blessing from God. I am so grateful and thankful that you have been here to nurse me, hold me when I cry, talk to me, and yes, even clean out all the closets and organize me, right down to the list of doctors, numbers, medications and other instructions that are taped to the inside of the cabinet door. When you left to go home yesterday, I felt like my heart left with you; I feel such an immense sadness now that you are gone. I know that we became closer while you were here and I missed you before you left. You know the commercials on TV with the list they run through of what things cost? I can tell you that a month with my daughter was priceless.
Misty and John, I love you both very much. John, I was so touched by what you did and you are still the wind beneath my wings. Misty, thank you for setting up this blog - I could have never done it myself and I know that you would have been here if you could.
Jane you are an angel. Having you with me the first night of my surgery gave me comfort and all the days since that time, you have been here to help me and support me. Words cannot begin to express my gratitude and love, my friend.
I did have a wonderful Christmas. I attended Christmas Eve service with Jim and Lisa, and it was so uplifting. I saw friends, talked with my pastor and celebrated the birth of Jesus and just being alive.
As I said in the beginning, this is New Year's Eve. The year ahead holds more steps in my journey with breast cancer, but the future is bright and promising. I'm going to be OK.
May you all have a Happy and Blessed New Year!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
From Donna...
Merry Christmas everyone! Well, I have begun my journey, in fact I am two weeks into my journey. When I first found out that I had breast cancer, a lot of my time was spent going to doctor appointments, phone calls and a myriad of other "pink" things. I decided to keep a notebook so I could keep myself straight with phone numbers, appointments etc. What I find as I go through my notebook is that "life" has a way of creeping into whatever you do, no matter what you plan.
In my notebook I have doctors names, phone numbers, appointments, directions to get there from here, a list of my friends, family and others who pray for and support me. But, darn I also have a To Do list before surgery, a grocery list, a Christmas shopping list, a menu, window measurements, a summary of a phone conversation with my boss to go over projects, a partial Christmas card list (sorry to those that I did not get cards mailed to), oops another To Do list, an email for Tech Support for my mortgage service, a list of gifts from well wishers, and my Pink poem. I am surprised there's not a partridge in a pear tree.
But it shows life goes on and I continue to do as I do. And this is my most favorite time of the year. It seems like this time of the year there is so much love and good spirit in the air. And, you can forget Happy Holidays, for me it's Merry Christmas (no disrespect intended to anyone) but it is a Christian holiday and I am a Christian. He is the reason for the season and I love celebrating His birthday.
I am healing and yes, I am sore. Last week I went shopping and rode on one of those little motorized vehicles that you see in the stores. I got pretty good on it, zipping around the aisles, although I did pay for having my arms up for several hours. That's why they make heating pads.
I have been overwhelmed by the gifts, prayers, and support from everyone. Please continue praying for me as this was just the first step in my journey. Tomorrow I take the second step. I will have out-patient surgery in the morning to implant the port for chemo. My first treatment is January 4th. For some reason I was depressed and weepy today about going in tomorrow - I don't know why. I know that God will be there with me and bring me through just like He did two weeks ago.
I gotta tell you one of the benefits of this adventure is that my lovely daughter Lisa from Oregon took FMLA and is staying with me for a month to take care of me. While she is here she is organizing my act. She has gone through 4 closets (painful) and I finally let go of so much stuff. We had boxes and bags that we donated with just about everything you could imagine. She also rearranged my kitchen cabinets - can't find anything now. Thank God for this wonderful women. I love you Lisa.
Hopefully, I will talk to you all again soon. Bless You All.
In my notebook I have doctors names, phone numbers, appointments, directions to get there from here, a list of my friends, family and others who pray for and support me. But, darn I also have a To Do list before surgery, a grocery list, a Christmas shopping list, a menu, window measurements, a summary of a phone conversation with my boss to go over projects, a partial Christmas card list (sorry to those that I did not get cards mailed to), oops another To Do list, an email for Tech Support for my mortgage service, a list of gifts from well wishers, and my Pink poem. I am surprised there's not a partridge in a pear tree.
But it shows life goes on and I continue to do as I do. And this is my most favorite time of the year. It seems like this time of the year there is so much love and good spirit in the air. And, you can forget Happy Holidays, for me it's Merry Christmas (no disrespect intended to anyone) but it is a Christian holiday and I am a Christian. He is the reason for the season and I love celebrating His birthday.
I am healing and yes, I am sore. Last week I went shopping and rode on one of those little motorized vehicles that you see in the stores. I got pretty good on it, zipping around the aisles, although I did pay for having my arms up for several hours. That's why they make heating pads.
I have been overwhelmed by the gifts, prayers, and support from everyone. Please continue praying for me as this was just the first step in my journey. Tomorrow I take the second step. I will have out-patient surgery in the morning to implant the port for chemo. My first treatment is January 4th. For some reason I was depressed and weepy today about going in tomorrow - I don't know why. I know that God will be there with me and bring me through just like He did two weeks ago.
I gotta tell you one of the benefits of this adventure is that my lovely daughter Lisa from Oregon took FMLA and is staying with me for a month to take care of me. While she is here she is organizing my act. She has gone through 4 closets (painful) and I finally let go of so much stuff. We had boxes and bags that we donated with just about everything you could imagine. She also rearranged my kitchen cabinets - can't find anything now. Thank God for this wonderful women. I love you Lisa.
Hopefully, I will talk to you all again soon. Bless You All.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Hi Everyone,
Well, I am feeling much better - had a couple of rough nights, mostly being uncomfortable from the four drain tubes sticking out of my body. I'll be glad when they are gone. I want to thank everyone for your prayers and support as I have started my journey with breast cancer.
I continue to grow stronger each day and I will be back to work before you know it. Did I just say that??? It's the drugs. LOL.
Take care.
Donna
Well, I am feeling much better - had a couple of rough nights, mostly being uncomfortable from the four drain tubes sticking out of my body. I'll be glad when they are gone. I want to thank everyone for your prayers and support as I have started my journey with breast cancer.
I continue to grow stronger each day and I will be back to work before you know it. Did I just say that??? It's the drugs. LOL.
Take care.
Donna
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Friday, December 08, 2006
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Talked with mom
Just got off the phone with my mom who was feeling quite good in all her morphine glory. :) First thing she said to me was "well, Im flat as a board now." Leave it to mom to crack jokes. She sounded groggy but in good spirits. She is an amazing woman. I don't think I would handle this as well as she has.
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